The Confidence Code: The Science And Art Of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know

The quality of the book is as expected.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

The Confidence Code by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay is a wonderful book. It's funny (Katty Kay learning to kiteboard), relatable (stellar international leaders Christine Lagarde and Angela Merkel comforting each other when male politicians beat up on them), and easy to read. Well researched, the book contains pages of helpful information, not only to understand why we as a gender tend to lag in confidence but also what to do about it. (Although the book would be good resource for any adult who lacks confidence, it's aimed at women.)Apart from making you feel good, why is confidence important? According to the authors, ..."there is evidence that confidence is more important than ability when it comes to getting ahead," on the job and in life generally. Good compensation, happiness, and professional fulfillment may depend on confidence. Not born confident? Don't worry. "The newest research shows that we can literally change our brains (to make us) more confidence prone."There's a lot of wisdom in the Confidence Code. One nugget is this: "Most people believe they need to criticize themselves in order to find motivation to reach their goals. In fact, when you constantly criticize yourself, you become depressed, and depression is not a motivational mindset." Also, "...Of all the warped things that women do to themselves to undermine their confidence, we found the pursuit of perfection to be the most crippling...you'll inevitably and routinely feel inadequate."But most of us are perfectionists. How do we overcome these behaviors?To get answers, Shipman and Kay interview and cite many thoughtful and engaging experts, who are quoted throughout the book, but the short course is this: Stop overthinking everything. Have courage, take action, congratulate yourself for trying regardless of outcome, and move on. Engage in self-compassion. Practice / do the work. Mastery in one thing spills over into other areas. Meditation can shrink your amygdalae (the region of the brain that amps up fear) and stimulate your prefrontal cortex (the calm, rational area). If that's too much work, concentrate on how you present yourself physically. Practice power positions. Spread out. Take up space. Keep your chin raised. Don't use "upspeak" (i.e. sound like a Valley Girl when you talk).There's so much more, but here's the thing I want you to remember: the development of confidence is volitional - a choice. Or as Shipman and Kay put it: "Our biggest and perhaps most encouraging discovery has been that confidence is something we can, to a significant extent, control." What an important life skill for women of all ages to learn, and to teach their daughters and granddaughters.

Confidence and worrying about what other people think has been a struggle for me lately, so for my next personal development book, I picked up The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. These journalists visit some of the top women in society from business, to politics, to professional sports in search of what aids in women’s confidence. They dig into genes, neuroscience, and break down the most efficient way to work on one’s confidence.I enjoyed learning that some confidence is genetic while also neurological. The science that was broken down in the book made a lot more sense as to both why women are the way they are and why men act the way they do. It was interesting to me to know that even top NBA players worry what others think and lack confidence in some way. Science-wise, the most surprising thing I learned is vulnerability and confidence go hand in hand. If you’ve read any other reviews of mine, you know that vulnerability and empathy are something I’ve been working on.The most tangible advice I took from this book is that being authentic is the key to being confident. My only gripe, though, is how do you get the point of being confident enough to be authentic? They discussed taking risks and action but sometimes that’s easier said than done, there was not any tangible to taking that first risk, that first step. It was “just do it.”So now I’m on the hunt for a book that discusses truly not caring what others think and being able to have that confidence to truly not care. Any suggestions?

Very interesting. There have been many surprising parts that I can relate to personally. It's helped me realize I have been undermining my own self-confidence.