She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders

She's Not There is one of the best transgender biography titles written to-date. It will appeal somewhat differently to the transgender and non-transgender populations because the latter will take Jenny's treatment as somewhat light in tone, while the transgender population will read and recognize considerably more of the realities behind her account. Jenny Boylan is a remarkably able storyteller. She weaves circumstances over time together in deft fashion. A story, a comment, a thought, a seemingly minor theme described at one point in her life and story becomes a point later on, a pattern repeated again and again. This is life with meaning, described as a whole. Most people feel this way about their lives. Few can describe connectedness in such evocative fashion. The topic - gender identity at the level of transsexuality - is life and death. That applies to Jenny and it applies to Grace, James/Jenny's wife, whose personal transition is also described. Jenny lays life itself on the line as she comes to terms with living an authentic life. If the tone sometimes appears light, one should appreciate that by the time a transgendered person moves toward transition, much of the emotional crisis has already passed, even if the circumstances of life are put at risk. Jenny describes this well - and also well-describes, through Grace's own transition crisis, how that same point is just the beginning for a spouse. The second half of the book is taken with transition, including hormones, surgery, and social transition to female presentation and full-time living. Grace's perspectives weigh in here, as do those of close friends, particularly Richard Russo. Russo's letters to Jenny are incredibly personal, revealing, and direct and could easily serve as required reading for anyone interested in how interpersonal dynamics are challenged and change with transsexual transition in the picture. Russo also provided the afterword, and it's a brilliant piece of writing, worthy as a standalone piece. Great writing, great story. Real. And readable! Absolutely 5 stars.

The book is well written and you can tell Jenny knows how to write a book. It is a good read and a touching story and you feel glad that she got to become herself. Being TG myself I would have liked to see a more realistic telling of the trials and tribulations one must go through during transition. The way Jenny tells her story is a bit too "kumbaja" for my liking. If that's how it really was for her, that's wonderful, but I somehow doubt it was all roses.. All in all, I recommend this book for anyone interested in transgender issues and the how's and why's of transitioning. If you are TG yourself anf thinking about transitioning, remember, Jenny was in a pretty good position in terms of her job situation (Academia tends to be more accepting than macho-land)and she had a supportive spouse and friends. She herself hints at those of us who are less blessed (one commits suicide, the other almost dies from SRS complications). So keep it in perspective. Callie

I didn't read much about this book before I ordered it and hoped it would be more about the genderqueer side of the spectrum. It certainly wasn't. But - it was more fulfilling than I could have hoped for. Her style isn't quite linear, certain phrases referencing something prior come up unexpectedly, but they fit. You root for her all the way, understand her internal conflict, sympathize with Grace, are surprised at how well her children just went with the flow. She makes the point that gender isn't as black and white as we see it, as we're told it is. Perhaps that's surprising to most people, maybe not. I enjoy that as a transsexual, she says this, as she's trying to go one from end of the spectrum to the other. This books makes is haunting, which is perhaps appropriate because her latest book is entitled I'm Looking Through You: Growing Up Haunted: A Memoir ... it stays with you. You feel so much of her even though it isn't written with as much emotional detail as say a diary would. It feels like a piece of art, how she put it together, the things she remembered, the things she probably had to embellish a bit, what she chose to omit (we can only imagine), what she chose to say, exactly how she chose to say it. I would recommend this book to anyone - whether they've ever struggled with gender or not. It's a story not often told, even less frequently understood. Jenny Boylan should be commended for having the courage to share this part of her with the world - and so honestly.

And in indeed it will. This book is beautifully written and a carefully crafted story of one woman's journey into the often trying world of a sex change operation. What I admired abut the author was that she never feels sorry for herself; but rather is continually concerned abut how her decision will impact on others, especially her children and devoted wife Grace. She delves deeply into the psychological impact on co-workers on her complex long-held secret. I admired her wit and irreverence in the face of this life altering decision. This is quite a book! And as her grandmother wisely said, "Love Will Prevail". Indeed it did. Of course, there are many transgenders that don't have happy endings to their journeys, we must take that into consideration. But I do believe that if you are in the process, tortured by a life of hiding a secret, this book is worth reading. I am a heterosexual senior, and it opened my eyes!

I learned so much about the transgender process! I love how open and honest Jenny is. I very strongly recommend this book!

I like the author's sense of humor and her talent for writing. She was able to tell us what it was like for Jim to live for many years in a body that had some sections that did not fit with her true identity. I believe Jim was a good person who lived a lie for years because he anticipated the hurt that the truth would cause the people he loved. This book might be a good reference for legislators and others who are deciding what is "correct" for families with Jim's dilemna. They could get a better picture of how the patient and the patient's family are affected. Perhaps a shorter version of the book could be provided. As always I would have preferred that the f-bombs had been replaced by #%&*(@, the comic book version, and I wish Jim and Jenny could enjoy a nice glass of water to replace so much alcohol. Yet people often turn to alcohol to temporarily escape the worries in their lives. I wish Jenny, Grace, their sons, and other loved ones much happiness and peace.

Besides being a powerful love story, well told, Jenny provides a poignant, witty, and very honest portrait of what it is to be transsexual. I found much in common with her experience because I am a transsexual woman myself, BUT others who are not can also identify with Jenny for her courage to be who she truly is - she speaks universally. I was also impressed with the perspectives Jenny provided by including the thoughts of those close to her, most especially Grace (her wife and now partner), and Russo (her best friend both before and now after transition). I was moved with Jenny's transformation, descibed as a "runnaway freight train" by Grace, and how Jenny found herself slipping into her true self, almost being pulled by a force of nature. And Grace's experience of loss and her "reinventing herself" as her beloved James became something beyond a "sister" even as they remained married, bound by love that transcends any physical relationship. Likewise, Russo had to reinvent himself and his friendship with (now) Jenny. And we catch glimpses of how children perceive and relate to transgender parents: we are not simply told these things have happened, we see these people transform even as we witness James become Jennifer... ...ALL these things haunt my own transition as I try to make fuller sense of the freedom, joys, pains and losses I have been experiencing as I "become". And especially important, the pain and losses my transition has already induced in the lives of those close to me, AND and what the future may hold for my own various relationships...There is hope that what is *becoming* will be better than what was before, and that my own story will be found to be a love story also. I have read the book more than once, and it is the sort of book that grows in depth and richness as one revisits it. One of the amazing things about Jenny's writing is how I can be laughing at one sentence and crying by the end of the next - THAT is how powerful this book is! Other, non-trans, friends to whom I have recommended this book have encountered their own epiphanies and grown as a result: in the case of one, who has had difficulty accepting my own transsexuality and transition, he is now better able to understand my and my spouse's experiences and our shared humanity. Please read this book, it is worth your time and emotional investment!

I was attracted to this memoir because I read a very good essay by Jennifer Finney Boylan in the New York Times Magazine. I appreciated the fact, that like Jan Morris, Ms. Finney Boylan is a writer, first and foremost. I read CONUNDRUM and also Christine Jorgensen's book. I've always been interested in this topic. I believe Ms. Boylan wrote a heartfelt and honest autobio that was poetic at times, however, was also curiously amateurish for a seasoned writer. Sometimes there was too much extraneous detail about the activities of the family, too many dates and facts, no one but a schedule book needs to know; often the faux pas made by an amateur. Also, Ms. Boylan kept repeating how known she was for her humor, but I didn't find the book particularly funny. I totally empathize with her and her life struggle, and believe she has successfully accomplished her mythical hero's quest to find her true identity. But I felt deeper insights and nuance were lacking. I also think it was a major mistake to ask her friend Richard Russo to write a chapter from his point of view. This felt like a distracting intrusion. Unfortunately, Russo's prose was so much sharper and philosophically penetrating than Boylan's, that it made Boylan's pale by comparison. I get that they are super friends, but it's not a good idea to invite your friend to enter your book and then steal it. Also, I don't think Russo had anything particularly new or insightful to say. He reacted rather typically. It's just that he expressed this so well. All in all, the book raised interesting conundrums visa vie gender and identity. It would be a good text for a course on this subject, though I still think Morris said it deeper and better.