Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go

I first picked up this book several years ago when I realized that I had some issues around being addicted to a person. I have found it very helpful because some of the stories themselves parallel my own issues, and also because it has helped me to recognize characteristics of the persons with whom I form such unhealthy attractions.This very well written book explores the symptoms and results of being addicted to a person. Author Susan Forward's basic premise is that a person who tends to be relationally addicted will be drawn to somebody who, for various reasons, becomes for him or her their One Magic Person. Through this person, the addicted one relives certain negative childhood experiences, hoping to make them come out right this time.In the majority of cases in the book, the addicted one eventually drives the other one away through their jealousy, possessiveness or what-have-you, and from that point the addict's focus switches to getting the other one back. This can take the form of unwanted visits, phone calls and gifts. In one of the sadder cases, the pursuer is reduced to sitting in a car outside the other one's house hoping for a glimpse of the beloved from time to time. Sometimes, the pursuer takes revenge against either the other one's property or, in a couple of very tragic cases, the other one's person.The case histories in the book are partly told in the words of the addicted one, with comments by the author. There is a chapter devoted to the ones who are pursued, although even in this chapter, the focus goes back to the pursuers.If it appears as though the pursuers are the always the bad guys, this is not the case. Sometimes the ones who are pursued are using the pursuers (who normally fall into a particular category that Forward calls "Saviors") and setting them up for a fall. These folks cannot be driven away until their web of lies and deceit are exposed.Finally, there is a section on how to let go of the obsession. One of the strongest and most helpful parts of this section is the reminder that if the other party has cut off all contact, the relationship is over. Forward expresses her surprise at how many clients she sees who, even though they may not have heard from their ex-partner in months, still believe that they have a relationship with that person.I highly recommend this book to anybody who has, or thinks they have, an addiction to a person. It's a great reminder that we are not alone in this illness and that help is available.

About 9 years ago, I purchased this book. In my opinion, it really separates the forest from the trees. I read it so much that I ordered a new one today in Hardcover from Amazon.What I especially like about this book (and all of Dr Forward writings):1 She lists a checklist of questions to answer about relationship problems. This was the MOST helpful thing for me as I was able to understand my (now past relationship) clearly and make decisions about what to do.2 She lists cases and stories of past clients that I found truly helpful. I could relate.3 Dr Forward writes in a very conversational manner. It is like she is sitting next to you on your sofa speaking to you.4 Having read and benefitted from several of Dr Forwards books, I must say this is my favorite one!Highly recommend this book.

I saw a lot of people give me the side eye when they saw obsessive love as the title to this book. Just as everyone else, they continue reading and see the part about letting go and decide to look away. This is something that we all need to work on and I think we have all had at least one point in our lives where this is happened to us. This was recommended to me by a friend and I’m glad that I made the purchase because I have been doing a lot of self reflecting and it’s working.

Good book but i think many obsessive love relationships are born from being in a relationship with a committment phobic - a person who sends mixed messages and who seems to leave the door open in small ways, giving false hope, taking the special things they said and did away, one small piece at a time until the other is starved for crumbs. If someone finds themselves with a commitment phobic, buying the book He's Scared, She's Scared, is a must, imo.

Great suggestions how to heal from obsessive thought.Non-judgmental. Excellent case histories.Keeping a journal and writing out thoughts turned it all around for me and got my thinking out of the distorted realm and back on track. I still have obsessive thoughts creep in periodically but not often.This book was my Bible. I don't think I would have come through this scary, hellish, nightmarish experience as quickly as I did without it.To know I am not alone and other good people have experienced obsessive love addiction gave me so much comfort and hope.To separate thoughts from feelings was a real eye-opener.This book coupled with talk therapy and grief therapy (unexpressed, held-in grief from old wounds) has been a life-saver. LIterally. I'm learning I have been "out of my body" for a long time (since sexual assault at age 15 , and coming back into itand being able to feel my feelings has been akin to giving birth. Painful but liberating. Thank you Susan Forward. I will read all your books. You are a saint !

I was sooo depressing . I'm done with self help books ..I cant think of anything else to say about it

This book is awesome and I would recommend it to anyone who is having problems letting go as it will most likely happen in the next relaionship. . I wish I had read it 25 years ago when I first fell in love and found myself having trouble moving on after each relationship fell apart. There is a pattern ... this book brings it to light and helps you to understand this behavior and know that it can be fixed once you acknowledge and recognize it. By reading other peoples problems with obsessive behaviors it made it easy for me to look and accept my own, deal with it and look forward to letting go of this disruptive and unhealthy behavior immediatly!This is a keeper and one I will re-read again!!