Healing the Unaffirmed: Recognizing Emotional Deprivation Disorder (Revised and Updated Edition) Paperback – January 1, 2002

"Healing" speaks to a serious problem that's often ignored. We understand that beating a child causes all sorts of problems. It's harder to see that something missing, affirmation, causes equally severe problems. Even if it's seen, inappropriate therapies are often prescribed. This the only book I've ever found that adequately emphasizes this issue, its profound consequences, how to penetrate its disguises, and how to heal it. I wish that all therapists would read this book and consider the lack of affirmation as a possible cause for their clients' problems.To show the importance of the book's concepts, I'll briefly apply them to my life:In my childhood family, I was attacked, instead of being affirmed. This caused depression and deep emotional pain that was always with me. The therapists I tried used standard techniques. When the techniques didn't help, I felt hopeless and worse about myself. By the time I met the therapists who finally helped me, I had suicidal thoughts, Major Depression, DID, and panic attacks. I was so alienated from people that it made no sense to me emotionally why humans liked to talk to each other so much.Thankfully, I finally found therapists who saw my limits, were emotionally present, and were willing to give some corrective emotional experiences. They gave my "kids" the first affirmation they'd ever had. This created trust and a sense of caring. It also let me know that they understood the type and depth of my problem. (I am so touched by the difference this made that I want to cry just from remembering it.)I didn't get everything I wanted from these therapists, and this was often excruciating. However, I knew that this was the best our society could do for adults, and I was grateful for not being pushed into inappropriate therapies. And, the affirmation they gave me was healing even if it wasn't as complete as what a parent would do for a child.I believe that some people are so badly hurt by lack of affirmation that they need corrective emotional experiences to heal. I think that many other people would benefit from such experiences. However, this type of therapy is not fast, new, or glamorous, and many therapists feel safer staying in their own head.After years of good therapy, the panic attacks were gone and the pain and anxiety reduced. My daily life, however, was still painful enough to be hard. Things unexpectedly changed when I took the opportunity to see "The Passion of the Christ." When feeling myself in Christ's role and being abused, I was shocked at how much I wanted to retaliate by stomping on the guards' feet. This made me wonder how anyone could be so loving amidst such brutality. All of a sudden, I was flooded with more love than I had seen anywhere on earth. Aware for the first time that this profound love was possible, I searched for how to get more of it. Gradually I saw God as my Father and Jesus as my brother, They give me peace and love without limit. Unexpectedly, as I became comfortable with Them, my anxiety went away and my everyday decisions were better. I am still surprised that I can feel this good, happy, and peaceful most of the time. I am no longer trapped in the cage my parents created. My therapist and my best friend see many positive changes since I've let God into my life. I wish I'd done it sooner.

This book has been life-changing for me! I am deeply grateful for the work of Dr. Baars and Dr. Terruwe. And thankful that my gifted psychologist gave me a copy. As I read, I am struck profoundly with the sense that all these good doctors somehow are inside my head and heart. After decades of dealing with the symptoms and the toll they have taken on my life, I am finally on the way to being healed. FINALLY, the missing piece of the rubic's cube that is me has been found!!

Great

After reading this book, I have greater insight into my own weakness as well as better understanding other friends and family members. Once you better understand these things you are better able to grow and heal. This is a very important book. Many people have noticed a positive change in me since I have read and put into practice the principles in this book. I keep extra copies on hand for people who want to know why and how I have changed for the better.

It is a very helpful resource in explaining in detail what emotional deprivation disorder is and how it differs from repressive disorder. It also provides a pathway of hope and healing after awareness of the problem and the complex issues involved. It taught me the extreme importance of having emotional needs met at each stage in life, and the ramifications that occur when fulfillment of those needs is thwarted.

Excellent book for so many young people today and fill those much older who were involved in lead to pry only to discover all that they missed in life due to not being affirmed by a mother Very helpful insights and useful for psychologist as well as the patient!

This book captures what a lot of people have and don't realize they have:) Very insightful analysis of what happens to kids who don't get "emotionally affirmed" by their parents/primary caregivers in life . . . I recommend this book for lay counselors and professional counselors alike.