The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
Product ID: 739840264
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"A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
| Asin | 0062322591 |
| Dimensions | 0.9 x 5.2 x 7.9 inches |
| Edition | Reprint |
| Isbn 10 | 9780062322593 |
| Isbn 13 | 978-0062322593 |
| Item Weight | 1.05 Kilograms |
| Language | English |
| Print Length | 352 pages |
| Publication Date | October 9, 2018 |
| Publisher | Harper Paperbacks |
User
Definitely a must-have book
It opened up my mind that divorce is not a failure rather a new beginning for both sides. Being erotic is the key to avoid dullness to your partner. Not sharing this book is being selfish. I REALLY appreciate your magnificent talent in writing this book. Thanks for inspiring.
User
A deep look into human relationships
Esther Perel is immensely intelligent and well articulated. This isn't just a book for those who have been cheated on, or who cheated. It's a book for anyone who wants to understand human relationships better.
User
Bonito diseño
Bonito diseño
User
Wonderful book
If you have heard Esther Perel’s talks then probably one can skip buying this book if you haven’t then it’s worth buying to understand many things about relationships
User
A state of relationships
This book written by a psychotherapist and counsellor who has worked with couples will be of interest to anyone interested in relationships. It is also well written with an good narrative flow.At the beginning of the book Esther Peel looks at the conventional wisdom on partnerships and marriages and fidelity in them. She points out that in Western society there are strong views that partners in these are expected to stay loyal to each other, with out straying elsewhere for intimacy and sex. She does not appear to have problems with this per se, but points out there are many divergences form this path. It is human nature to transgress boundaries, even if this is painful.What follows are a large number of accounts of cases she has encountered. This includes infidelity in conventional marriages, both homo- and hetro- sexual partnerships, open relationships (where issues of infidelity can crop up despite there being a permission to find additional partnerships) as well as ones that insist on monogamy. She looks also at issues of betrayal, the pain of discovery of an affair, how some affairs may save people from bad partnerships and also how that affairs may sometimes (paradoxically?) even save and strengthen relationships. Perel also looks at the various kind of people involved, apparently settled people, those who prefer to have affairs rather than stay in a single one.All in all the range of people discussed here is wide. Perel's aim is not to discredit monogamy, but to suggest what is needed is a little more space for people in their situations to work through. At one point in the narrative she ponders on the general state of knowledge around human sexuality. As she states it is limited. This book contributes to expanding that space a little more. An enlightening read.
User
Eye opening.
This book helped me understand both sides of the coin. It is written outstandingly, without any judgment and really opening a conversation about the taboo that affairs are. I can only recommend it to couples, also if you're not going through something like this, you still can take a lot from it.
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