The Truth

This book messed me up, and I'm grateful for that.More accurately, it helped me realize that I was already a lot more messed up than I'm comfortable admitting.I never read his earlier Pickup books, and lived a life that's nothing like a sex addict's, so when this came recommended from some people I respect, I wondered if there was anything in it for me.The Truth is an insanely vulnerable, honest, and introspective dive into what it's like to be a broken, traumatized person, and the paths that wind both forward and backward on the way to self improvement and self acceptance. And they're a meditation on why that impossible seeming journey might actually be worthwhile.I got through 450 pages in 3 nights. It was enrapturing. Through the author's brave confrontations of the seemingly cliche origins of his misbehaviors (is it REALLY all about childhood and your parents and Freudian tropes? Yep!), I followed a similar path to some of my own unpleasant truths, that were very different in origin, and yet so similarly damaging. The honesty with which he embraced his hard truths helped me to stop being dismissive of my own.Sometimes someone tells you something you don't want to hear, but that you undeniably need to. This is one of those times.Thanks Neil.

Neil Struass is a very good writer and there are many useful insights and interesting stories contained in this book. In the ten years that passed between when he wrote “The Game” and this book, he matured tremendously as both a writer and a person. But I can only give it three stars because he never admits that the lifestyle he describes - therapy sessions at expensive retreats and living in a San Francisco condo with three other women who do not work – is only possible because he is wealthy. In addition, he never addresses the issue of why many men feel that women in our society are not worth pursuing for long term relationships. I was troubled to learn after finishing the book that his marriage described at the end of the book has failed after five years. This information forces me to reassess the last third of the book, where he describes all the ways for a monogamous couple to remain in a committed, long-term and loving relationship without fear, games or lies.

Few books have been read more than once by me and "The Truth" by Neil Strauss is in that list. As with Esther Perel's books, although of an autobiographical style, Strauss deftly blends blunt language (Strauss is more crass) with the clever. "Guilt is just about your behavior. Shame is about who you are," will remain me throughout my life. I've actually been experimenting with the idea this book somehow stimulated (along with Dr. Perel's): shame often leads to perversion.Trauma and shame are at the center of this sometimes lurid story. We laugh at and hurt with Strauss as he explores relationship configurations that he hopes will meet his idealistic expectations, and questions those expectations as he confronts the shame resulting from his trauma.Just as Strauss at one point realizes that he doesn't feel THAT much guilt about his transgressions, I feel just a bit of hesitation as I type, "This is a fun book to read!" Props to Strauss for focusing on The Truth as we all confront a reality of an aging marital constitution associated with a 50% divorce rate according to some and possibly a similar rate of infidelity. In pursuing the truth, Strauss reveals elements about his life and thinking that are disturbing, and sometimes familiar to many of us. Where he deviates from the decisions most of us make is in his courageous and accidentally self-sacrificing action. We can learn from his mistakes and at least vicariously enjoy his successes.A few quotes that I want to share:* "In the pages that follow, I attempt to solve a much tougher life dilemma: What should I do after she likes me back?"* They don’t care about you. These are hurt and abused women. And you’re reenacting their childhood trauma."* "90 percent of sex addicts entering treatment are men because guys tend to act out, while roughly 90 percent of people with eating disorders are women because they tend to act in."* It’s people with compulsive behaviors who change the world."* "[...] trauma compromises the brain area that communicates the physical, embodied feeling of being alive" (from a book The Truth inspired me to read, "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.). Strauss breaks rules so including this quote feels appropriate enough. I read in Strauss's writing, and Esther Perel's more explicitly, that people often cheat to feel more alive.Finally, thank you Neil for including "An Incomplete Guide to Love for the Incomplete Man".

Like another reviewer stated, I too finished this book in 3 days (please pause every 50 pages or so to stretch your neck; unfortunately I did not). I’d never heard of him before and found the book ref while I was trying to heal my heart from my guy’s infidelities. As a woman, reading this was downright shocking, disturbing, frightening, heartbreaking, and a massively grounding personal experience for me. I’ve read many bonafide self-help books written by doctors and other experts—From this book, I was able to gain more thought provoking ideas than I had ever before. I know he had what seemed to be endless financial resources and some people have attacked that, it doesn’t have to matter, does it? This book gave me so much to ponder and so much to realize about myself, my own childhood, and it stoked a little flame inside my soul to want to begin my own quest of healing. On the flip side, if you don’t have past trauma, the book is still well-written, contains wild stories that affluent people have and is entertaining. I loved it.

What a journey! I found the book to be truly fascinating and educating. The difficult and painful emotional work and growth the author undertook was truly inspiring. The book was so interesting particularly with the many psychological, counselling and psychotherapy ( his experiences in re-hab) references along side his real relational experiences in the world. Would definitely read again sometime in the future and would also recommend to anyone who just wanted to learn more about life and relationships.

As in life, when someone has the clarity of mind and courage to open up completely, one finds it impossible to not be impressed and sometimes even, humbled.Neil has a way of making keeping the reader engrossed and a poignant way of imparting wisdom which so many self-help authors should envy. His demeanour always leaves me feeling as though he would be the kind of person I would be friends with, and whilst this may not be the case in reality, for getting a point across and making it stick - it works!I think I'll read this again and again.

Wow. Didn't expect much from book, except some relationship tips and crazy stories, but book surpassed all my expectations.Yes, as my friend said, it might be pretty uncomfortable read as truth itself is most of time hard to look at.But book is beautifully written adventure. As the main character goes through his personal odyssey towards learning more then he ever though about true meaning of relationships.

A very interesting expose of the pimp-daddy lifestyle and insecurities that may underlie it, and how childhood trauma is a real wound that has impacts throughout life.It is also quite self-indulgent, whiny, repetitive and overly bragging at times.

An interesting read, but gets a little tiresome after a while and took me several attempts to get through. But worthwhile; it has made me think about my own life and how I've been effected by my upbringing