It's Not You: How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC People

Dr. Ramani understands the psychological landscape of these relationships so well and extends so much compassion to survivors of these relationships. I have been able to find myself in the chaos that I was and am surrounded with all thanks to Dr. Ramani. Her work truly empowers people. Her work needs to reach more people, and she deserves more recognition for the work that she is doing as she is making a huge difference in people's lives. Her work needs to reach those who are going through these relationships but have no one to tell them that they are not the problem. She sees these relationships for what they truly are and never makes survivors feel unsafe and feel like they are to blame for these relationships. Her work resonated with me on so many levels as often I have engaged in self-doubt and self-blame because of all the enabling and noise around me when I knew that the ones who were being protected were toxic and abusive and not the other way around. Thank you Dr. Ramani for the work that you are doing! You have helped so many people and continue to do so. God bless you and wish you all the happiness in the world!

This book really changes one’s perspective on dealing with narcissistic people. Prior to reading this book I used to be very offensive, aggressive, and used vehemently fight against the abuse, mistreatment, manipulative mindset of the narcissist people but after reading this book my whole thought process and behaviour transcended towards “radical acceptance” and I stopped fighting against the wall, I let go and build boundaries for my own personal peace and well being. Must read for people who are dealing with Narcissistic people of all kinds.

Dr R, I want to thank you deeply from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so so much! If it wasn't for you, I would have never understood how I lost myself. I am now 30. I have been going through major depression for the past 12 years! And it was simply IMPOSSIBLE to explain to anybody about what I was going through. I have tried to explain in therapy, I have tried to journal, I have tried to talk to friends when I wanted to, but I simply never could. Because the pain had so many layers and projections. I was afraid I would carry this to my grave. And then I came across you on YT. I saw a clip from Jay Shetty's podcast and immediately something made me save it on my phone to watch it later. Then I watched, and then my life flipped! Then I watched you on Lewis's and Lisa's Podcasts. Then I explored your videos on your YT channel - FOR ONCE in 12 years I felt true relief from the gut-wrenching, chronic pain I was in! I can't tell you how grateful I am to you! I watched your videos for about 5 months continuously - made notes, and learnt a lot - then I took your AFFORDABLE healing course - then I bought this book and as I read it - I recognise my triggers and I immediately try to journal - for once I am finally able to journal after multiple attempts to journal it down over many years in the past. This is like THE HARDEST thing to explain, and you have written it so bloody well. You are simply awesome! For me, there is the sky, there is love, there is the universe, there is Buddha, there is Rumi and then there is Dr Ramani! I love you Dr. R. Thank you for the AMOUNT OF EFFORT you have put in to help people like me. I would have NEVER EVER, EVER, EVER found closure and regained a chance to reach my full potential in my life if it wasn't for you! I never expected to find ALL THE PIECES OF THE MISSING PUZZE IN ONE PLACE! It's remarkable that I did in your teachings. I really hope I can see you someday and talk to you. And really hope you are taking care of yourself well and win a Nobel prize!

The book is must read, because you will narrate yourself if you had faced similiar situations with a narcissist.

Narcissistic persons can b identified with this book

If you have ever felt that Noone understood what was going on in your life with narcissistic abuse, this is the book for you. Dr Ramani has shared some deep insight into the behaviors of narcissist and given ways to cope/protect yourself from the abuser. The parts on Radical acceptance and grief made me cry bucket loads because for the first time it felt like someone really knows what you have gone through. What a wonderful book! A masterpiece.

Dr Ramani wrote this book for us victims of this unique form of abuse, which most people just don't get when we try to explain to them. It's validating my feelings, making me feel less alone in my healing journey and ofcourse tremendously helping me heal. I recommend this to every victim wholeheartedly ❤️💯

Written in easy relatable style with examples and real life scenarios. Focuses on the healing journey - with practical advice and tips. Presented in non judgemental way.

This book is far more than a guide to identifying and healing from narcissists. It’s like three years of therapy condensed into one book. It offers a wide range of practical tools and strategies for coping with narcissistic relationships, including radical acceptance, mindfulness, setting internal boundaries and choosing to whom I want to expose myself to. I also learned how to process grief and the deep injustices of going through narcissistic abuse. It also explains how to calm yourself when your sympathetic nervous system goes into a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response and how to become narcissist resistant! Whether you’re dealing with a malignant narcissist boss, a covert colleague, a grandiose family member, or a communal “friend,” this book is packed with tools that anyone must have in life. 1 in 6 people is a narcissist. Are you sure you have the right tools and strategies to deal with one?

This book is an invaluable tool to help you understand what narcissism is, how to detect it and how to heal from it. It focuses on mid range narcissism. I found it easy to read and understand. If you’re in a narcissistic relationship of any kind at all, you should definitely read this book. I’ve watched many of Dr Ramani’s YouTube videos on the topic also and I was enthralled in them, she is brilliant. Highly recommend.

以下、本書のパート1、ナルシシストとの関係の部分からざっと引用する。 * ナルシシズムとは何か - 自己中心性 - 常に不安定 - 幻想的な誇大性 - 二面性 - 特権的 - 過敏 - 感情を制御できない - 支配的 - 共感の欠如 - 侮蔑的 * ナルシシズムのスペクトラム ナルシシストかそうでないかでなく、スペクトラムで捉える - 軽度: ウザいがそれほど危険でない - 中度: 本書で主に扱う対象 - 重度: 暴力的 * ナルシシズムの種類 - 誇大 - 脆弱 - 共同体: カルトのリーダーによくいるタイプ - 独善的 - 無責任 - 悪性: サイコパスに近い * ナルシシズムと自己愛性パーソナリティ障害（NPD） - NPD と診断されているかどうかは問題ではない。 - ナルシシズムはパーソナリティ・スタイルであって臨床診断ではない。 * 他のメンタルヘルスの問題との関連 - ADHD - 依存症 - 不安 - うつ - 双極性障害 - 衝動制御障害 - PTSD * ナルシシストからの加害 - ガスライティング／DARVO など。 パート2 はナルシシストからの被害からの回復についてで、本書の後半部分全体に渡って記述されている。 * 本書の長所と短所 - 長所: ナルシシストとの有害な関係からの回復に重点を置いていること。 - 短所: 少し複雑な説明を省略している点もある。その点は前著 "Don't You Know Who I Am?" や著者の YouTube チャンネルの動画で十分補える。 特に日本国内には、被害者にとって役立つこのような本はあまりないので、原書で読む能力のある人は読んでおくとよい。

Thank you for writing this book. I left a toxic relationship of 26 years 5 months ago, and only after leaving started to understand what had happened to me and why I ran like I did. This book has helped me understand what I have been through, that I am not alone, and the practical advice that I have followed has helped me to start sleeping again...

This is a great book. It sets out to demystify what narcissism actually is and isnt whilst giving practical examples of each. I’ve watched many of Dr Ramani’s videos and am finding the book to be almost a 21st century bible on how to identify narcissism within relationships and society. After exiting a narcissistic relationship myself 6 months ago, im finding this to be somewhat of a practical handbook/fieldguide on how i navigate relationships going forwards. For anyone who’s ever been in a narcissistic relationship, i’d say its as essential read - and for anyone who just curious to learn more about how pervasive narcissism can be in modern life, its a fascinating read. I fully reccomend!