It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

One of the best books that I have read on grief. This is an exceptional guide to walking through grief. I felt like I was sitting with a friend who truly understood me and what I am feeling. Reassuring me that I don’t need to be fixed and that it is ok to sit in my grief. I can be true to myself and my grief is my own. I will definitely come back to this book and read it again.

I have read this book 3 times now and I plan to read it again. It has been such a gift! I bought it during a long, exhausting search for something to relate to after my mom died last August and my whole world was obliterated to scraps. Before discovering this book, I had listened to every song, read every article, and watched every grief-related movie trying to find any semblance of comfort or relatability. Instead, I found a lot of victim-blaming disguised as self-help, “reasons” for my loss, advice on how to meditate it away, and a million more lazy, shallow responses to my grief. The way Megan confronts our culture’s offensive/unhelpful response to grief, loss, and the people experiencing it is refreshing. With page after page of tips and wisdom, she offers invaluable information that we ALL need to consume. This book is a treasure in the form of advice, authentic truths, personal stories, validation, and lots of love. Whether you’re grieving or you need guidance to help a grieving loved one...you need this book! This book heard me, held me, reassured me, and saw me in ways nothing else has. It doesn’t bring my mom back or fix what’s broken, but it’s not supposed to. That’s quite literally the point. I needed someone to tell me I’m not doing this wrong. This can’t be rushed or moved past, it can only be lived in and alongside of. I lost my absolute best friend in the entire world and I can never “get over” that. I may never be ok, but this book has provided a breath of fresh air inside of unwanted storm that is now my life. I have something to go back to when I need a reminder that it’s ok if I’m not ok, and it’s also ok if I’m ok. Both are valid, neither is better or worse. It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok normalizes our pain and tells us that we must put in the work if we really want to love each other better. I’ve now bought this book for 2 of my friends as well. It’s the only thing I can confidently suggest to anyone who hurts. Thank you so much for creating such a rare and powerful book, I didn’t know just how much I needed it.

I've been gifted, loaned and purchased many grief books in the two years since my son died. I can honestly say that none of those texts resonated with me and the truth of my grief experience more than Megan Devine's new book. She is a credible source of useful information, bringing not only her educational and occupational background to bear but more importantly her own life experience with deep loss and a broken culture. Above all, she is a truth teller and an advocate you'll want in your grief space. The beauty of this book is the universal insights it offers for EVERYONE who has experienced deep grief or desires to genuinely support another in their loss. The author outlines a refreshing take on grief for the reader's consideration, one where acknowledgment and a desire to love better are critical components in supporting ourselves and each other following a significant loss (ie. death, accident, illness, etc.) She adeptly explains the model's concepts in lay terms, provides numerous examples for better understanding, and recommends practical exercises that one can use to help identify and manage the impact of grief. The quotes from her writing students are especially relevant and poignant. I found Megan's work validating and thought-provoking, especially concepts such as her broader definition of "early grief", common platitudes (and why I feel their adverse affect), the critical distinction between pain and suffering (and how to minimize latter), grief as an experiment rather than a problem to be solved, and the vital role of acknowledgment and companionship in creating a way forward. One of my favorite sections is the appendix, an essay on helping a grieving friend, which offers carefully-crafted and readily shareable ground rules for supporting a loved one. I'd recommend reading this book if you or a loved one are in the midst of deep grief and looking for validation, guidance, and honesty in a post-loss world. This book, and especially the associated resources available at refugeingrief.com, are powerful tools for navigating your grief landscape with love and understanding. It's permission to grieve in your way and in your time ... and this has made all the difference in my own post-loss landscape.

I read this book right after my boyfriend passed away and it helped me so much. I recommend this for anybody who has lost their husband, wife or partner or anyone. She completely normalized how ai was feeling and while in the depths of devastating grief I felt understood. A friend of mine was struggling to understand how I was feeling, and she also read the book and said it helped her realize what I was experiencing.

Good for someone with a sudden loss . Wasn’t for me as my husband had a disease for a long time

This book is so outstanding. I read it as an audiobook two months after my dad passed away, and now that it’s been four months I’ve decided I need to read it again, but this time as a hardcopies so that I can underline and highlight. I like to annotate my books, and you can’t do that with audio. I found it extremely useful but now that it’s been a couple of months I feel like I need to revisit it. Megan Devine was highly recommended twice to me—once by my long-term therapist and once by the grief counselor assigned to me by the Hospice agency after my dad died. This book really is that good. It will help you a lot.

It felt like I wrote this book myself as the author hit every feeling and emotion I feel/felt. It was a comforting read to realize I am not alone in my grief. I have actually read this book over and over...it's become my solace. This is the only read that has helped me since my husband passed away too young. The part of just not wanting to be here anymore was spot on. I wake up and still do at times just annoyed that I actually woke up. I just don't want to be here anymore. That doesn't mean I want to commit suicide, I just don't want to be here. It was so comforting to read that the author felt the same way. What I have learned in dealing with grief, is that if one has not experienced grief, they just don't get it...they don't realize that your heart actually physically hurts, that grief is exhausting, it sucks the life out of us and we just have to learn to live with it. There is no getting over grief. You will hear things like, "You are stuck in grief!" "You have been grieving too long" "Get over it" or this ridiculous statement that my own Mother told my 11 year old son..."You are not the only one who has lost a parent". People are just so insensitive because they don't know and they should only realize how lucky they are to not be a member of this specialized club. I come back to this book often...when I need to feel not so alone.

I found this book shortly after the unexpected death of my mother and the first "major loss" in my life. I remember hearing time and time again that 'you'll be surprised at who shows up for you in your grief and who doesn't' but I figured I had a pretty good read on the people in my life. Lo and behold I was indeed surprised! In the days after my mom died, I was *shocked* at some of the things that were said to and expected of me by people I thought of as kind and empathetic. I felt extremely alone and also a bit insane that others were pressuring me to feel better and move on mere hours after experiencing the trauma of watching my mom die. This book validated my feelings (including anger!) and made me feel less alone and less crazy. My aunt was struggling with the same loss of her sister and wild things being said to her, so I sent her a copy as well. I've recommended this to others who are struggling with a loss of their own, as well as my friends who want to know, "What does it mean to show up in the face of grief?" I felt a lot of support and love when my friends read this book and we were able to discuss it together. There is an entire section for friends and family on how to support someone going through a loss which I think is extremely needed and helpful. Scrolling through the other reviews for this book, I want to mention a couple of other things. First, the author writes from her perspective of her loss (of her partner) and says she's primarily focusing on out-of-order, unexpected deaths. It seems as though some find this alienating, but it didn't bother me. She also talks about the "Grief Olympics", the hierarchy of grief and writes, "...every loss is valid. And every loss is not the same." This strikes me as inherently true (and perhaps even affirming in the context?) but some have found it off-putting. I think there's a lot to be gained from this book for anyone who is grieving if you can/need to look past that. Second, I saw a few reviews that dismiss the book because of the author's anger which makes me smirk! I didn't find the book to be particularly angry but I also think anger is a pretty healthy and normal reaction to a huge loss in your life?? I have anger around my loss, and again, felt seen and affirmed. Finally, I saw a negative review criticizing the author for her frustration around the (insensitive and unhelpful!) things people say in the wake of grief. This is an experience I too faced so it was helpful for me to hear Devine's perspective and made me feel understood. If you think people are just trying to help and doing their best and you don't think there's room for improvement on how individuals and our culture at large can better respond to grief then you probably don't need this book because you're already being supported! Unfortunately, that's not true for all of us, and if you've been struggling with others' responses to your grief, you might find this book extremely helpful in feeling seen and affirmed.

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a book not to be missed, which should be translated into all languages, a guide for grief unique in the world.

Sollte jede:r mal gelesen haben!! Sehr sehr gutes Buch

Best book to read if you are grieving. Was recommended by a professional and book very relatable.

This book is simply amazing!! I highly recommend it.