Hate List

I HIGHLY recommend this book if you are looking for some intense reading and something that makes you think. Because when you finish this book you'll think a lot.Basically I had seen this book all over the internet, but because it hasn't been translated yet into my mother language I decided to read in English as my level of knowledge is pretty good, and even though I was afraid I was going to miss some things because of the vocabulary I found this book to be easy to read if you are not used in reading in English.The characters are all very powerful, and the price for this book is well worth it. If you haven't read it yet, I don't know what you're waiting for. I also recommend you not reading a lot of things about the story. Getting to know the characters by yourself makes the experience even ten times better.

Amokläufe an Schulen üben eine morbide Faszination auf mich aus. Das mag seltsam klingen, aber so ist es. Nicht die Tat an sich, nicht die Opfer, sondern die psychischen Prozesse, die dazu führen, dass es überhaupt so weit kommen kann, faszinieren mich. Ich möchte einfach verstehen, wie ein junger Mensch so tief in die Verzweiflung und in den Hass getrieben werden kann, dass er/sie keinen anderen Ausweg mehr sieht, als zu morden. Der lauten Tragödie, die SchülerInnen und LehrerInnen angetan wird, geht immer eine leise Tragödie voraus, die meist niemand bemerkt. Es gibt immer Anzeichen.In „Hate List“ verschiebt die Autorin Jennifer Brown den Fokus von der Tat selbst auf das Danach. Was passiert mit denjenigen, die überleben?Vor fünf Monaten hat ein einziger Schüler das Leben an der gesamten Garvin High für immer verändert: Nick Levil, der Shakespeare liebte und in all seinem Hass entschied, an diesem verhängnisvollen Tag im Mai in der Cafeteria das Feuer zu eröffnen. Er hinterließ Trauer, Schmerzen und die Liste. Die Liste, die Valeries Idee war und von der Nick seine Ziele aussuchte. Obwohl sie drei Jahre ein Paar waren, wusste Valerie nichts von Nicks furchtbaren Plänen. Sie war diejenige, die ihn aufhielt, einem Mädchen das Leben rettete und dafür selbst angeschossen wurde. Nick nahm sich das Leben – Valerie überlebte. Doch da die Liste eigentlich ihr gehörte, glaubt nicht nur die Polizei, dass sie in die Planung involviert war. Jetzt, fünf Monate später, muss sie sich dem Trümmerfeld stellen, das ihre große Liebe verursachte.Ich empfehle euch, einen großen Becher Eis bereit zu stellen, wenn ihr „Hate List“ lesen möchtet. Dieses Buch ist so schmerzhaft, dass ihr einen Seelenschmeichler brauchen werdet. Ich habe es innerhalb eines Tages ausgelesen, weil es mich einfach nicht mehr losließ. Jennifer Brown schildert Valeries Kampf mit ihren eigenen Gefühlen und den Umständen unglaublich intensiv und sehr realistisch. Ich konnte mich hervorragend in sie hineinversetzen und baute eine starke, solide Verbindung zu ihr auf, sodass ich ihre widerstreitenden Emotionen verstehen und selbst spüren konnte. Brown lenkte meine Aufmerksamkeit auf das, was nach einem Amoklauf gern ausgeblendet und verteufelt wird: dass auch ein Amokläufer eine Familie hat und es Menschen gibt, die ihn lieben. So schrecklich Nicks Taten waren, Valerie kann ihre starken Gefühle für ihn nicht einfach ausschalten. Sie endeten nicht mit Nicks Morden, weil es für Val unmöglich ist, das Bild von ihrer großen Liebe mit dem Bild des Amokläufers in Einklang zu bringen. Der Nick, den sie noch immer liebt, hatte Hoffnungen, Träume, Pläne und eine Vergangenheit. Den Nick, der Amok lief, kannte sie nicht. Für sie sind es zwei völlig verschiedene Personen und es verletzt sie auf einer abstrakten Ebene, dass das ganze Land Nick zur Hölle wünscht. Natürlich ist es für sie auch nicht leicht, damit umzugehen, dass es Menschen gibt, die ihr die Schuld an der Tragödie geben und sich wünschen, dass sie sich ebenfalls erschossen hätte. Darunter sie selbst. Schreckliche Schuldgefühle plagen sie, weil sie nicht erkannte, welch düstere Gedanken Nick umtrieben und weil sie die Liste begann, die Nick offenbar dazu inspirierte, die Menschen zu erschießen, die ihnen beiden ihrer Meinung nach Unrecht taten. Während sie ihre furchtbaren Erlebnisse verarbeitet, beschäftigt sie sich viel mit der Frage, ob sie tief in ihrem Herzen wollte, dass diese Menschen sterben. Ob es mehr als nur eine Bewältigungstaktik für all ihre Wut war. Mir wurde dabei bewusst, wie leichtfertig Valerie vor dem Amoklauf mit dem Wort „Hass“ umging. Sie hat nie darüber nachgedacht, was die Aussage „Ich hasse dich“ wirklich bedeutet und verwendete sie viel zu schnell, um ihren Zorn auszudrücken. Wenn der Amoklauf neben Schmerz und Trauer noch einen weiteren Effekt hatte, dann den, dass zumindest einige der Überlebenden ihr Verhalten kritischer reflektieren. Das gilt für Val, aber auch für Jessica, diejenige, die Val vor einem tödlichen Schuss rettete. Vor diesem Tag im Mai war Jessica die typische verwöhnte Cheerleader-Zicke. Jetzt ist sie… anders. Immer noch sie selbst, aber eine bessere Version. Dass Val sie vor dem Tod bewahrte, änderte alles für sie. Ich mochte sie sehr, weil ich spüren konnte, wie sehr sie sich anstrengt, zu einem besseren Menschen zu werden. Sie reicht Val die Hand und hat großen Anteil daran, dass Val ins Leben zurück findet. Es ist schwer für sie, aber sie vergibt Val. Und sie vergibt auch Nick.Nach so einer Tragödie brauchen die Wunden lange, um zu heilen, selbst wenn oberflächlich erneut Normalität herrscht. Doch Zeit und der unbedingte Wille, zu leben, können helfen, aus Chaos, Wut und Schmerz etwas zu erschaffen, das größer und besser ist als je zuvor. Weil eine Tragödie auch immer daran erinnert, wie kostbar das Leben ist. Vergebung ist wohl eine der schwierigsten Herausforderungen überhaupt. Wenn wir nur genauso leicht von Vergebung wie von Hass sprechen würden. Doch Valerie findet sie. Auch in dem Menschen, von dem sie es am wenigsten erwartete: sich selbst.Ich finde „Hate List“ großartig. Traurig, tragisch und düster, aber auch hoffnungsvoll, mutig und stark. Ähnlich wie die Personen, die es behandelt, ist es auf der emotionalen Ebene sehr komplex. Jennifer Brown erinnert uns daran, dass selbst ein Amokläufer gute Eigenschaften haben kann und kein Mensch eindimensional ist. Es ist ein Buch, das Gänsehaut verursacht. Es ist ein Buch, das kräftig auf die Tränendrüse drückt, ohne es zu wollen. Einfach, indem es genau das zeigt, was das Leben außergewöhnlich und kompliziert zugleich macht: Gefühle. Rohe, ungefilterte Gefühle, die atemberaubend schön und unglaublich hässlich sein können. Freude, Schuld, Reue, Liebe, Schmerz, Hoffnung, Verlust – was Val fühlt, werdet auch ihr fühlen, wenn ihr euch auf „Hate List“ einlasst. Eine Achterbahn der Emotionen, die nach einem Becher Eis verlangt.

Holy crap. This book got to me in so many ways. From the powerful story to Valerie's inner thoughts it completely pulled at me. If you want a book that will make you really feel something, this is it. It isn't too often a book affects me enough to make me cry but this one did- a huge compliment to the author.The story itself is somewhat told in pieces with some chapters telling what happened on May 2, the day of the shooting, others talking about Valerie's summer where she tried to recover from the gunshot wound to her thigh, being involved and accused with the shooting, and getting over losing Nick, and still more telling her story of returning to school in the fall, facing the gauntlet of people who believe she is just as guilt as Nick. I really enjoyed the scattered layout of this book and never once did I find it choppy. It kept the intrigue going and everything correlated, also getting across the message that even as she's in school that next fall, she is still reliving that day and everything after.Valerie was a very deep, very dimensional character. Yes, it was Nick who pulled the gun on people but Valerie began the Hate List- a spiral notebook where the couple wrote down anything and anyone that they hated. It started as a joke but at some point that Valerie didn't realize, Nick turned it into reality. From texts and emails to that book and conversations they had, everything that had to do with hating the world came back full force at Valerie. From a learning standpoint, it is a fantastic aspect of the book because many teenagers don't realize what an impact things they say and do can have later. On the flip side, I thought even the detectives were blowing it out of proportion because how many people say they hate something when they are mad? How many people wish bad things on others out of anger and frustration? That doesn't mean they will pull a gun and what an emphasis everyone put on that book really did bother me. It was an outlet- a way to vent- and I firmly believe that even without that book, Nick still would have brought a gun to school that day.Nick was shown in different lights but the defining thing was how Valerie saw him- the boy she fell for and had been with for three years rather than the kid who shot up the school. That Nick was a stranger to her. She remembered the boy who could quote Hamlet, who read most of Shakespeare, and who slept on a mattress on the floor of his basement because that's the only room he had. He understood her on a level others didn't and they were best friends.This is a book about bullying but cast in a somewhat different light. Nick was not a complete loner. He had a girlfriend and he had friends, even if they were the school losers and outcasts. But he was also bullied, as was his girlfriend. The fact that Valerie couldn't get through the morning bus ride without being tormented by one of the popular kids and had the nickname Sister Death because the populars didn't like the way she dressed was made clear throughout the book. Valerie was tormented- only she didn't act out like Nick did. Even Nick's friends didn't know the full extent of what Nick was feeling and thinking, making the point that you never really know and no matter how hard you look, sometimes it just isn't there to be seen.As far as bad parents go, Valerie's just might win an award although they were very well written, came up often, and had depth to them as well. Her father was absolutely horrible in my opinion. Very fitting, I hated him. I could understand some of her mother's behaviors but her father was just something else- something very not good. This didn't just happen after the shooting either- it was already there but Valerie being an initial suspect in the shooting only made things worse. But what would you do when you knew your father hated you? That he blamed you and wouldn't forgive you? That isn't an easy place for any teenager to be but particularly one with Valerie's issues and experiences. To be honest, I kept waiting for Valerie to kill herself or run away because of how hard everything hit down on her but she didn't and I think that is phenomenal. Where many other teens would have given up, Valerie kept going which sends a strong message.The ending was possibly as heartbreaking as the rest of the book but also comforting and provided closure. This is an ending that will stick with me just as much as the book as a whole. Jennifer Brown has shown her amazing writing ability, thrusting a rough subject into the spotlight and pulling in the reader. I felt every emotion Valerie did, hoping for the best but fearing the worst. If this is a book you can stomach, I recommend it. It has an amazing message about healing, bullying and blame. This is a review I am not even sure did it justice because of how strongly this book got into my mind and if you know me, you'll know what a compliment my final thought is. This book hit me as powerfully as 19 Minutes did and I won't be forgetting it.

There is a comment from the author in the back of this book which states that while most would say that this is a book about a school shooting, for her it's about Valerie, it's Val's story. And, having just finished and still in tears, I read that and went 'no kidding!' because that's exactly how I felt about it. Yes, it starts off about the shooting, but within a couple of chapters it wasn't about that for me, it was about a girl who loved, who had something terrible happen to her, and is lost in a sea of confusion and desperately trying to find a way out, feeling unable to turn to anyone. I can relate to that, being lost in confusion. I felt so much for Valerie as she tried to deal with what happened, what it means for her, what is says about her and the role she played in it all.There is no question this is a powerful, thought provoking, tear-jearker of a book. The descriptions, the power to the flashback scenes of the shooting itself actually made me flinch when the gun went off. I cried for Val as she realised what some people thought of her. I was proud of her as she took steps forward. I ached for her almost the whole way through the book. Val is far from perfect, but that just makes her all the more real. I like how she's so conflicted about events and herself; how she learns and grows through the book from her own views changing; the pressure and hurt from her broken family and the others in the school around her. Not to mention the therapist. I love all the adult involvement in this book! Not all of them are nice characters nor are they all trying to help Val, but they're there and play a very real role and add a presence so often wrongly missing from YA novels.I found Hate List very hard to put down, and if not for certain issues, I think I'd have easily read it in a single day instead of two. It's paced perfectly, with such well drawn characters and descriptions of the mess of emotions and reactions that really got to me. I got kind of lost in Val's journey and I was sad to get to the end of it. But I do love where this story ends. I won't spoil it for those who've not read it, but I do love it. A heartfelt, powerful book. I'm not sure I can say I enjoyed reading it, because with something dealing with such raw, broken emotions, so much pain, it's hard to enjoy it. But it is excellent reading, and I love it. I'm so glad I read this book, and I think it's one that could maybe help teens who are struggling, or parents of teens who a struggling. With bullying, family issues, life in general as much as anyone who has had to face such a tragedy. And it's certainly a book I'd highly recommend.

I’ll start out this review by saying that I read this in 12 hours. I absolutely devoured this novel (and the accompanying novella). The writing was amazing, and I really give the author a pat on the back for taking on such a strong subject. But. I don’t know how to feel about the accompanying plot line itself- where every single character was unlikeable. You start to feel like everyone has it out for Valerie, just to have it out for Valerie. All of her previous friends, others, her parents, her brother, etc. I think the only likeable characters were the therapist and the purple kook lady. I understand that this book was about Valerie and her journey as a shooter’s girlfriend- who was blinded by love. However. It felt like the dead victims weren’t talked about enough- and why they were chosen? Or who the shots were meant for? There are so many unanswered questions in this book- and p.s. (SPOILERS)- I’d want to punch David in the face. After he put Valerie through intense bullying, suicidal thoughts, harassment, etc- he finally tells and then immediately starts thinking about “starting a little something” with her. Seriously... And this is to no fault to the writer. This story was good, but everyone had fault in it. I think that was the message- but it leaves you deeply uncomfortable, and is hard to make concrete thoughts about. Everyone had something to do with Valerie’s outlook- it wasn’t just from one person or one thing. The author did a great job telling a story that- in my views- isn’t concrete like every other story, where it was an amalgamation of things to lead to one big tragedy, where it’s not some picturesque story, but rather real life, where everyone is flawed. It makes for a book that most people don’t like, because it’s so raw. I loved it. Hated the characters, wanted to punch most of them, but loved the rawness. Nothing was held back- and everyone was a little ugly.