Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love

Learning loads about male training and ways to grow vulnerability and tenderness

Em 2004, bell hooks publicou o livro "The will to change: men, masculinity and love". como uma espécie de resposta à sua decepção ao ler o livro "About men", de Phyllis Chesler. Segundo hooks, o livro de Chesler é decepcionante, "(...)cheio de citações de numerosas fontes, artigos de jornais sobre violência masculina (...)". (p.xi)A autora aponta que tinha a expectativa que o livro de Chesler pudesse ajudá-la a compreender os homens para que assim pudesse não temê-los. Como a expectativa não foi atendida, decidiu escrever esta obra, em que admite que tudo o que o feminismo sabe sobre os homens está relacionado apenas à violência masculina imposta às mulheres e crianças. E, por sua vez, é comumente vociferado através de raiva e ódio aos homens: "(...)O feminismo militante deu às mulheres permissão para liberarem sua raiva e seu ódio pelos homens, mas não nos permitiu falar sobre o que significa amar um homem numa cultura patriarcal".(p.xii)Para hooks, as feministas manifestam ódio e raiva pois entendem que os homens dominadores ou violentos não são capazes de mudar: "(...) o feminismo me ensinou que eu poderia esquecê-lo [o pai] , dar às costas para ele. Dar às costas para o meu pai é dar às costas para parte de mim. É uma ficção do falso feminismo que nós, mulheres, podemos encontrar nosso poder num mundo sem homens, num mundo onde negamos nossa conexão com os homens"(xvi)bell hooks reconciliou-se com a masculinidade através, justamente, da reflexão sobre sua relação com seu pai:"(...) minha reconciliação com meu pai começou com meu reconhecimento que eu queria e precisava de seu amor(...)" (p.xvi)A autora entende que é necessário falar de homens e masculinidade. É necessário, também, reconhecer que as mulheres precisam do amor masculino:"(...)nós precisamos dos homens em nossas vidas(...)" (p.xvi)"Toda mulher quer ser amada por um homem. Toda mulher quer amar e ser amada pelos homens em sua vida. Seja lésbica ou heterossexual, bissexual ou celibatária, ela quer sentir o amor do pai, do avô, do tio, do irmão ou de um amigo homem. Se ela for heterossexual, ela quer o amor de um companheiro." (p.1)Recomendadíssimo!💜

I was hoping the book would give more practical solutions and insights regarding how men love, how they feel about love. It's difficult for me to overlay the perspective's given (which for obvious reasons tend toward generalisations about men) onto the men I know and have known in my life. Nothing of what the book tackles is inherently incorrect; generally speaking boys are encouraged to compartmentalise their emotions in a way that girls are not and the author paints a good picture of how this hurts boys and therefore the men they grow up to be, and therefore society. But I would have liked the author to make her case for the demise of macho-patriarchy vs the rise of soulful-paternalism (my phrases and interpretation of what the author was aiming at) much clearer and therefore compelling. I've read some negative reviews for this book and their points seem to focus upon the author using blunt examples of what a 'compartmentalised patriarchal male' is. Whilst I see their point, I also see that with the complexities of the subject the author had to start somewhere. Ultimately I was hoping for a book which inspired an ability in myself to honour and respect the men in my life for the struggles that they face in companionship with the struggles that women face. This book will definitely begin that thought process for you. Lastly; ultimately we're all just human and all humans want to be loved and to love.

This book can be considered as a Bible for feminist Men. Overall very good perspective on how the whole society needs more feminism and we need to get rid of patriarchy once and for all. The author gives a lot examples from her own life and I can still remember most of these examples very vividly. There are not many book whäch can deläver such a strong effect.I have already suggested it to every man around me and gave it as a present to couple of them, as well!

This book came to my life earlier, when I was in the prime of being an angry feminist, blaming men for patriarchy and not fully understanding why I couldn't put my energy into men, loving them, listening to them. It was too much for my mind at the time, and it is probably still too much, but now I am assimilating everything, and being grateful to bell hooks for this. This book should be compulsory for everyone because it had a way of describing patriarchal boyhood and manhood that is crude and mindblowing, explaining that in order to boys become men, they have to be ripped of their profound feelings, of their soul. And as heartbreaking at it is, acknowledging that it is real, that we are all accomplices in this, is the first step to change it.I have annotated and highlighted this book like crazy, but I wanted to quote that 'Only a revolution of values in our nation will end male violence, and that revolution will necessarily be based on a love ethic. To create living men, we must love males.'

Un libro realmente esclarecedor sobre todas las relaciones humanas con hombres. Es importante conocer a fondo nuestra sociedad la base de ellas. Ya que si queremos cambiarla debemos saber hacia donde dirigir nuestros esfuerzos.