Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

If you grew up in a confusing household. If you grew to always feel like the one at fault. If you grew into an adulthood that's left you so enslaved to the whims of others that you can't even make a list of what brings you joy. This book might help you unlock why. It's not a book about hating your parents or hum drumming about the kind of childhood you wished you had. Dr. Gibson isn't here for a goose-chase. She's provided clear language, clear definitions, and clear examples of how growing up with emotionally unintelligent parents effects how you think, the way you act, and the kind of relationships you are susceptible to. I never felt like I was navel gazing, or angry... I felt relief. There is someone out there who's seen these patterns and can help you see them in yourself. She helped me step out of a pattern of abuse with my mother by helping me name it, define the role I was playing, and take the necessary steps to dissolve it and not feel guilty or ashamed for not having a relationship with her any longer. I have recommended this book to so many people because it cleared up so much for me. It has filtered into so many of my relationships. I have so much more bandwidth without these people in my life. I literally just finished a 400 page novel. Dr. Gibson's other books, "Who you Meant to Be" and her workbooks are excellent. I always listen when she's on a podcast too. She's doing the kind of work that sets people free. It's not a twelve-step process, it is the reality affirmation you've been searching for.

Definitely an eye-opening read. I highly recommend getting your sticky notes ready and annotating as you go. It details how to recognize emotionally immature parents and what type of emotionally immature parent you have, which enables the reader to connect the dots from childhood issues into adulthood behaviors in relationships and everyday life. There were moments of realization that really made me cry, there was healing, hope, and forgiveness. If you’re struggling with your relationship with your parents, or you want to understand how the way you were raised can affect your adult relationships and how to heal from that and grow, this is the book for you. The exercises were also very helpful, I used clear sticky notes and did them right inside the books but it also provides online resources for the reader. There’s also a section about recognizing emotionally mature people, which can help you find good adult friendships and relationships, as so often children of emotionally immature parents are drawn to what’s familiar: people who remind them of their parents, even if it’s subconscious. Packed full of research, first hand accounts and stories of parents like our own, and personality and emotional traits to recognize within yourself as well as your parents, it is an in depth analysis and tool for healing. I cannot recommend it enough.

I should probably get the title tattooed somewhere, since I recommend it so much. It is a VERY hard read if you've never faced your childhood trauma. But getting through it is so helpful and healing. I talked through parts of it with my therapist. It provides relatable stories, brief exercises, and summary lists. Not everything may apply to your parents, but you probably have someone in your life that you'll recognize in each chapter. Highly recommend. I go back to chapters sometimes to work through my past and my present. So much applies to any relationship, not just parental.

THANK YOU for writing this book. Reading this has been more awakening and healing than anything I’ve ever done, including therapy. I have never felt so seen and understood than when I read the paragraph describing an “internalizer” (obviously me). I would recommend this book to anyone. Highly.

For any adult who has had a difficult relationship with a parent. This book not only gives an understanding of these relationships but also gives many tools to be able to relate to your parent, as well as other people in our lives , and how to form good relationships with others. This book like many others, spends too much - as much as the first two thirds of the book on describing the problem with a multitude of case studies. However, the last few chapters of the book make up for the tedious beginning, by giving and excellent understanding of how to manage these types of relationships, and become a more self contented, less lonely, and happier person by using the tools provided here. Very much worth the read.

My best friend recommended the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents". At first, I didn't know that I'd really get into it, I thought it might hit too hard. Boy was I right! As someone who doesn't read books as much as self help content, magazines, DIY projects ideas, or memes, it's important to know that I've completed this book twice already! I tested an audible version and finished it immediately. I ended up buying the hardback version so I could study it more and keep notes. I bought another copy for a coworker who wanted toborroww mine. At work I was listening to a college student's home life struggles and recommended the book to them- they were going to look into it quickly. A few weeks ago, I mentioned the book in my routine therapy session and my therapist showed interest, both for her own use as well as a clinician who works with people who have similar backgrounds. She ended up buying the book and we are working through it together. In just two sessions of discussing it, this book has helped her to quickly understand more about my childhood and how it has shaped who I am, which will only improve therapy effectiveness. I couldn't complete the introduction of this book without feeling completely seen or understood. Nearly every scenario in this book relates to me, my mom, or my dad in some way; even my siblings. It has taught me about characteristics my siblings have as a result of their childhood experiences of coping mechanisms. There have also been several times I've been enlightened by learning things about myself are direct results of my traumatic childhood. If you are looking for healing, coping strategies, or want to learn more about how your childhood has shaped your development and even your present self, I cannot recommend this book enough. Heck, you will even learn about aspects and characteristics you have that you didn't even know were related to your experiences. You're not broken, you just need to begin (or continue to) heal your inner child and grow into who you are meant to be. Read the book- actively read it, take notes, highlight important pieces. If you need to, read it in small doses and take short breaks in between. While the book covers a lot of sensitive information, the author has written it in Lehman terms to ensure the reader understands her solid, decades long research on this topic. If you are reading the reviews because the title lead you to believe the book could relate to you in some way or another, I can assure you it absolutely does. So why are you still reading this review? Buy the book and begin your healing self.

I followed my heart and the reviews and I’m so happy I did. Even if this wasn’t quite the book you thought you were looking for. Try it. That’s all I can preach because this isn’t JUST for your relationships with parents it’s for your current relationships too and once you can actually understand or try to understand why people are the way they are and do the things they do you can do yourself a favor they can’t well actually ONLY YOU can which is heal. And you can at least recognize the characteristics in other people in your life and let yourself let go of expectations that you may or may not ever get AND AND AND if you recognize any of these behaviors or characteristics in yourself you can do your kids a favor and yourself and try to work on those things and change the qualities you see you might be repeating and not cause the same trauma for your kids. And that’s my honest trust to myself so maybe you can look at it the way I did. I’ve got a ways to go and I’m about to do an ART session with my therapist and we’re reading this together and the best part is? I SHOWED HER THIS BOOK it just goes to show ,not even they ( the ones we go to for guidance) not even they ever stop learning and the fact that we can do and learn this TOGETHER is an honor. She can help me pin point the things I need to head during this session because of parts of if not all of this book. And my traumas buried so deep I didn’t even think there was a problem but I just the first 3 chapters I started connecting all these dots and I just can’t put it down cuz I GOTTA know you know? Just have an open mind and look at it like this: you have NOTHING to lose and everything to GAIN even if it doesn’t help you (which I highly doubt) then now you have knowledge and can at least recognize quickly in future if not present relationships. I say I doubt because everybody has something to fix and people are so quick to dismiss it but no one’s really ever so perfect they don’t have to work on anything and it doesn’t have to be something you did but something done to you. There’s such a stigma with mental health which is why there so many issues with it! It’s crazy and I wish people could just come together and squash that stigma and start to heal. Wishing you all the best and thanks to anyone who took the time to read this happph heallling

I won't bore you - but I was raised in a very-upper-middle class household with plenty of money and egos to match. For years I thought that the way our family behaved was normal - that all families treated each other horribly and said horrible things to each other. We were an ivy league family - with all the back room trappings of a horror film. In the end, they ended up getting divorced, but the cycle of abuse continued; for decades. So, I went through decades of therapy, thinking that it was something I did - that somehow I was to be blame for the poor relationships, depression, immaturity, lack of focus, etc. Not that I am blaming them for all of my issues, however you do have to admit that how you were raised has a profound impact on your personality. It took decades for me to slowly begin learning where the issues were really sourced. When my father died recently, I was hoping to finally get some closure. That somehow, this highly educated, well read man, who I had exposed to many, many exhaustive conversations about our relationship, would have finally, in an act of decency, have left me a letter, or a video or something - to express his regret over the family and the way things had worked out. Not to assume blame, or to assign blame - and not even in person - but just something to express his love and regret for the lack of love in the family I grew up in. No. His death was just another perfunctory event, with documentation, his golfing/skiing friends and his lawyers. No letter. No video, No regret - at all. "Remember the good times!" friends suggested. Huh? When was that? Seriously. Please tell me. So, I found this book right after his funeral, and found that my parents were basically 'dine-and-dashers' when it came to parenting. They stumbled into it; really had no interest in it, and found their position to be absolutely reasonable to themselves. I thought this might be yet just another book on narcissists - I was wrong. This book is very small - but is is powerful. It spoke to me, and described both of my parents (my father, then 'absent narcissist' and my mother, the 'emotional narcissist') to a TEE. It's very easy to read - I burned it up in a two days with occasional reading and it literately gave me the keys to the rest of my life. I have since cut ties with my birth family. After reading this book, I've found myself and come to the conclusion that I want/deserve happiness with my own family (of which there is plenty, I assure you) in the time that I have left on this earth (which is not a lot anymore). Not that I hate them, but frankly, as the song goes: "I'm not ready to make nice I'm not ready to back down I'm still mad as hell, and I don't have time To go 'round and 'round and 'round It's too late to make it right I probably wouldn't if I could 'Cause I'm mad as hell Can't bring myself to do what it is You think I should" If you even -suspect- this book might be helpful for you - I urge you to give it a try. It's small, inexpensive and easy to read - and IT NAILS IT. COMPLETELY. Good luck to you! =)

It was a gift but I think everything is good

Easy psychology for everyone, explains emotional needs.

This book gave me great insight into myself and my family’s dynamics. I cherished the anecdotal stories, they lightened the heavy topics while making the concepts more relatable and clearer.

Grown up in Japanese culture, putting questions about authority figures, especially about parents had been a strong taboo. But this book showed me clear explanations why my parents or parents of the others behaved in that inappropriate manners, which deeply hurt me or their children but was rationalized only because they're in the position of "parents," and the significance of negative effects caused. This is one of the must books for adult children of narcissistic, emotionally immature/absent parents to navigate a healing journey.

Gracias a este libro ahora entiendo mejor a mis padres, pero también a mí mismo. Agradezco a la autora porque me ha ayudado a ser más empático y flexible respecto a las expectativas que tengo de otras personas. Al final, no se trata de cambiar a nadie, sino de comprender y aceptar sus limitaciones. Además, me ha ayudado a establecer límites razonables y a dejar de cargar con cierta culpa familiar y social. Es curioso darse cuenta de que hay personas que simplemente no son capaces de tolerar demasiada cercanía emocional, y está bien. El objetivo no es juzgar, sino comprender, aceptar las limitaciones de los demás y reconocer que nadie es perfecto. Un libro grandioso.