All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right

Half a Century ago, women had a much better chance of having a good marriage. Why? Because playing hard to get was the social norm. Today, women have not been schooled in the basics! They sleep around, pick up the tab, live with their boyfriends, and believe in the idea that being elusive will make men think they're not interested! Of course, the opposite is true. The advice this book gives has been called many things--unfeminist, manipulative, and deceptive. But i have noticed that those reviewers have not even tried the rules, they just reject them based on their own personal opinion. Some others have said that it doesn't work on all guys. I'm guessing that the guy they were attracted to wasn't that interested in them, and blamed it on this book. Following the rules doesn't mean that every guy will be attracted to you. It's basically a filter, to get the guys who are and then finding your own personal Mr. Right among these men. The Rules are the epitome of feminism! Being feminist doesn't mean you are aggressively pursuing everything and anything, and if you're not, you're not being feminist. It's having self-esteem as a woman. A "Rules Girl" by definition is confident, independent, active, and very, very hard to get. She is not clingy, isn't sleeping around, has high self-esteem (or acts like she does), and lives a full life. A man doesn't fill her up, because already has her own interest and hobbies. She doesn't completely fall apart when a relationship doesn't work out. She tells herself that there are other suitable men out there and goes to the very next singles dance to increase her chances of finding them. She doesn't treat a date like a therapy session, or a man like a savior. She's a rules girl! The Rules aren't manipulative. They are simply a set of guidelines that, when followed, produce results. It's cause and effect. They aren't deceptive either. Rules Girls don't lie, or have affairs with married men. When the authors advised girls to be mysterious, not very revealing, on the first few dates, they didn't mean lie! Mysterious simply means that you're not pouring out your whole life story to a stranger. Doing so is inconsiderate and pulls men away, not closer. Women argue that this is deceptive because they aren't "being themselves". You ARE yourself on dates. Think of a date like a job interview. At an interview, you behave a certain way to give the best impression. But you are yourself. As the relationship continues, you can reveal more. He WILL know the real you!! I heard a story once that proves that revealing too much pushes men away: A divorced man took his kid to McDonald's and met a woman with her own kid. They were getting along very well as they watched the kids play together. He was attracted to her and asked her out. Sounds perfect, right? But on their first date, the woman dumped her problems and life story on him. He really couldn't take such a heavy load right away and his interest waned. The man later said he wanted to find a woman who, basically, acted like a rules girl! Remember, men and women are equal professionally, BUT THEY ARE NOT EQUAL ROMANTICALLY!!! Men MUST pursue women! They like to, no matter what they say about a girl playing hard to get. If a man has not sought you out, he is not REALLY interested! You must not start a conversation yourself. Men like feeling chivalrous and will go all-out for a girl they are interested in. That's why a man who is interested will pick up the tab at a restaurant. you must not feel guilty about him paying for you. It doesn't mean you are a gold-digger--he LIKES the feeling of being chivalrous. Of course, if he asks you to pay half, cheerfully do so, just know that he is not THAT interested, as hard a concept as it is to swallow. Hard to get does not mean impossible to get. You CAN return his phone calls. The authors said RARELY, not NEVER. Wouldn't you rather have a man who pursued you? who couldn't live without you? Who treated you like the #1 girl in the world and not someone he could get in ten minutes? Girls who follow the rules get men who act like gentlemen. Someone said that this doesn't work for sensitive, shy guys. But it does! Even a shy guy will eventually find the confidence to approach a woman he is REALLY interested in. Women like to label men they are attracted to as "shy" when he hasn't approached them. The reality is, they are just not THAT interested! I recommend this book to everyone. They are plenty of success stories. Do the rules even when things are slow. Being single is better than being in a relationship with a guy who doesn't treat you like a precious flower. Don't judge by your own personal opinion. Follow the rules to the letter and see for yourself!

Right now as I write this review, I am snuggled up in bed and planning my WEDDING. I was always a pretty, pleasant, nice girl-but because I was so nice I would date guys wayyyyy longer than I needed to, and who clearly were not for me. I am needy-I admit it. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and though this behavior is rewarded in movies, it is not in real life! I not only turned off some great guys, but I probably prevented some of the guys from getting to know me-because they may have gotten freaked out by my gestures (cards, cooking dinner, being too romantic too soon) Anyways, all i ask is you try it. I am in love with the Rules and was CHASED and i mean CHASED by my now fiance. I was myself in the rules. i did not lie. I did not pretend to be someone I wasn't. The only thing i did was i didn't invest first. Meaning, i didn't treat him like he was my bf when he wasnt. (Many girls do this, after 3 dates with a guy they go into fantasy world thinking that they are "dating" a guy and they also turn down dates). The rules explains you should date and be open to meeting guys until your guy asks you to be exclusive. I also let him call me. I also got busy and was invested in my doctorate program. Anyways, the purpose is that the Rules just reminds the woman to take a breather. The Rules says, "you are beautiful and amazing and you don't have to settle for anyone. Do you, enjoy life, don't invest until he wants to" and that's that. I still will not understand why there is so much controversy. I have bought the book for three friends who are all "against" the rules and they are all still single and keep making the same mistakes (professing their love to guys who don't care about them, not being open to meeting others, being in unhappy relationships and not getting out). I am not a great writer-so forgive my horribly written review. All i ask is that you try this for ONE Month, In the 4 months that I did the Rules I had guys begginnnnng me to go on a date with them. I was proposed to after 6 months! I am with a guy who treats me like a QUEEN and i treat him like a KING because he is my king. He is my dream man, funny, sweet, smart, and romantic. If i had not done the rules-i would be with my old boyfriend and complaining how he was never romantic or never gave me flowers and didn't seem to care about me. The Rules empowers women to not settle, to realize what they deserve and to ACT like it. Last anecdote. It kills me when my gorgeous best friend will go on a few dates and then consider herself to be "dating" a guy that has not said that explicitly. She ends up focusing on him, confessing her feelings to him, and scaring him off! The Rules gives the woman a breather, and also gives the man the space to realize his feelings for the woman. The rules says, if a guy doesn't like you. Or if a guy breaks up with you, you take a breath, put on lipstick, and go out . NEXT! I love that mentality. It's not the end of the world if a guy doesnt like you, not every guy can like every woman! the purpose is not to waste months or YEARS on the wrong man!!!!

I've read a lot about this book being anti-feminist and there are lots of perfectly "logical" arguments out there about it, but here is my two cents: First off, when you read a book you should take what you like and leave the rest. Think for yourself. That said, this book does a great job at what it promises: providing direction for a more successful love life. A few women made the following comment: "If the book is so great, why are there still single people?" Aside from some of the obvious answers which render this question so absolutely STUPID, I think it's a good idea to remember that love and romance are very tricky, elusive subjects and we will never have them completely fleshed out. Times change, people change. But there are some concepts that really run deep (such as men, no matter how shy, being a "certain" way, which has produced a societal structure which we are finally attempting to fix but will probably take a long time to), and I think "The Rules" (as well as other fabulous books that I highly recommend, like Kara King's "Power of the Pussy" and Sherry Argov's "Why Men Love Bitches") really connects with this notion. Until men and women are truly equal in all aspects (not just "profession" while in their love lives men still treat woman in a weird conquest-y way), it is wise to accept that they're a different animal and beat them at their own game rather than naively try to play the game that's only in your own head. I love that this book offers a simple, feminine (I say feminine because I do think that mystery and wonder, while accessible to every individual, are qualities that inherently have a sort of feminine energy) mindset. I love that it feels like I'm in a school all about the game of love. I love the idea that there are unspoken rules out there. When I have a million things on my mind and I'm trying to enjoy myself with my favorite guy, I like to have a comfortable position to fall into. I think The Rules encourages all the wonderful experiences that being in love and dating have to offer -- they just make the road much less bumpy. If you read, learn; but enjoy yourself. That's what it's all about. Cheers!

love this book it’s all Facts and teaches you things . 🩷So if you are hesitating on buying it DONT .

Ok, first off I'm a guy in college and I bought this book to get an insight into how girls think on advice from a guy I know. Thing is, I'm not the stereotypical "nice" guy. By this I mean I'm not a wuss type guy (in my opinion) I don't go up to girls and grovel or compliment them on how good they look or be all scared and kind of ask them for their number. That said, I'm not a jerk, I treat women well. (That's background to interpret my opinion for whoever reads this review). Now for the review. I really like this book. Almost everything it says for women to do to generate certain results is true. For example, it says not to call men and rarely to call them back. Well this has two benefits for women that I know first hand (being a man). If I'm just kind of interested in you (not strongly) and I call three times and don't get ahold of you, I'm not calling again. Period. This is good for the girl because I wasn't truly interested and she saved herself the pain of an eventual break up if I lost interest (which was likely since I wasn't totally interested to begin with, more curious than interested, really). I can also say, if I was really interested, I would say something the next time I saw this girl. For example, "you must have lost your phone because I can't imagine any other reason you wouldn't answer my calls." My making a joke about it shows I'm interested in this girl (because I talked to her again) but I'm not a wussy guy (that I don't think most girls would be interested in anyway). So the girl either runs of someone uninterested or gets a clue the guy is interested. Also, I'd eventually ask her out. Most of the rules I feel exactly the same way about. For example, where it says be mysterious and challenging, I totally agree. I didn't think I would, but then I thought about it and decided if a girl is all over me I'm going to lose interest fast. And that's what I would do. Some guys would string the girl along until they found someone better. That said, I don't agree with everything it says. For example, it talks about how not to have sex with a guy on the first or second date. I agree. However, it basically ok's it after that. I disagree. It says a gentleman won't try to have sex after the first or second date. Honestly, a gentleman (if that's who you're looking for) won't want to have sex right away period. Odds are either he doesn't have sex with every girl he dates, or he doesn't have sex with hardly anyone or anyone at all (he could be waiting until marriage). So all in all I think this is a great book for women to read. After reading this book I actually try to spot rules girls and date them. I don't try to date girls who aren't rules girls anymore. If you're a guy reading this review thinking about getting the book, I say get it. It's good to get an idea how girls think, like a previous example, just because she doesn't call you back doesn't mean she isn't interested. She could just be doing the rules.

This review is a response to the review written by "Random Bimms". I am Jerry Fusselman's wife - we share our Amazon account under Jerry's name: Random Bimms claims, "This book should be called, 'How to catch men who are sexual predators. That is the type of man you will catch if you follow the rules. Using these 'Rules,' you will only catch men who look at dating as a game, who want to 'score,' and who look at women as sexual objects to be conquered." Random Bimms is a man. His review is only conjecture. I am a woman, and my *experience* is that this book had the EXACT OPPOSITE effect for me. The Rules helped me solve my predator problem for good! I found The Rules invaluable for getting me AWAY from sexual predators and stalkers and into a relationship (ending in marriage) where I was actually *respected* and NOT dumped just for wanting to wait on sex. (You can tell guys early on that you plan to wait for marriage, but if you don't project confidence, they tend not to believe you - like they can "convert" you to sex because you're weak-willed. Well, "conversion" didn't work on me - about the only trick that didn't, I was such a doormat and so willing to believe that guys who called themselves honest really were.) After reading The Rules, I realized that, even though I personally struggled with low self-confidence, if I at least *acted* self-confident around men, I would attract positive attention rather than negative attention. The Rules also helped me to be *proud* of my old-fashioned boundaries rather than slightly embarrassed by them, and to focus first on *my* happiness, knowing that once I was married, I would have years and years to lavish the self-sacrificing love I so desperately wanted to give to *someone* on the *right* man. I went from being a girl with stalker problems, a girl who had to file police reports on predators, a girl who even attracted a predator *in her own church*, to a woman courted by a virtuous man who absolutely adores me - a man, by the way, who had to wait for the wedding night but wanted me anyhow. We have been married two years now and we still feel like we're on honeymoon. I didn't follow every rule to the letter, nor do I think every rule is compatible with every situation. But I cannot deny the general advice the book gave changed my life. The best part for me, besides my marriage, is that in the process of "faking" self-assurance around men by following The Rules, a girl often develops real self-assurance. I know I did, for the first time in my life. (I think it's possible that many men feel antipathy towards The Rules because they subconsciously realize that The Rules make their sex life less convenient.) For girls experiencing problems with sexual predation, as I did, I would also recommend (besides, obviously, whatever legal protection and counseling that may be necessary) the Dog Whisperer, Miss Manners, and Jane Austen's novels. (Yes, Jane Austen's novels and The Rules *are* morally compatible, contrary to Random Bimms's claims, and following The Rules can help you, too, become a spirited, Austen-style heroine, able to freeze cads with a single look.) Plus, a job walking big dogs helps, if you can get it. You cannot control big dogs without projecting authority, then you use that skill to discourage predators. "Ni Putes Ni Soumises" is the name of a French feminist group. It means "Neither Whores Nor Doormats". The Rules is a guide for those of us who want men to know that we're neither whores nor doormats, but rather self-assured women, and whose mothers/grandmothers/sisters/friends never clued us in on a practical way to accomplish this. Predators gravitate towards vulnerable targets - "whores" and "doormats". Follow (approximately) The Rules and become less of a target!

Was it really that helpful? I personally found the book not too helpful. It did give me a few tips on what to do in certain situations and it did give me an insight into how men think and how men treat this "dating game." However, I ultimately have to agree with the other reviewers, everyone is different and it is really hard to conform to this "mold" that this book gives you. Many of the steps/advice in this book may get the man you like to completely lose interest in you. However, I did find the ultimate theme/statement of the book helpful: When you are dating someone, remember that you still have to respect yourself and make sure you don't lose your own life while pursuing someone else. That is the one bit of advice that I still follow; it makes me not only independent, but it shows my significant other that I have my own personality and individuality and I will never lose that no matter who I am with. This, in and of itself, is a very attractive trait to men. - - - - - - Obviously the book has its pros and cons besides what I said above. I have a couple of gripes about it but I do have some positive feedback for it in addition to my general feedback above: PROS 1) This book really emphasizes on being who you are and never losing your own personal life. I think this is really good advice for any woman to take. Throughout the book, it tells you ways to keep busy, things to do before a date, and methods to keep your mind off of a man. This, I think, is the ultimate respect you can give yourself. 2) Many of the methods in this book can work, if you do it right and if you do it in low dosages. (Or if you are brave enough to even do them at all). Personally, it takes a lot of self control to get to that point, which is tough, but if done correctly I do think there are definitely beneficial effects to your relationship. 3) Personally, I have a relatively low self esteem. Reading and rereading this book at times when I feel really miserable or I feel like I'm "cracking" (in terms of self control: not calling him so often, not texting him, etc.) really helps boost my mood up for some reason. It tells me what people usually don't tell each other, that we are "worth it" and we need to focus on ourselves first and foremost. CONS 1) It is needless to say that this book is a bit outdated. It tells you to do things like ignore his calls, or if you miss his voice, call him and get his voicemail to hear his voice. Nowadays, it is not very possible to do such things. With technology such as caller ID, text messaging, etc. you can't ignore someone's phone calls for 2 days. You also can't ignore someone's text message for two days. Additionally, there's no way you can call constantly to hear his voicemail because it will say 23 missed calls from you on his cell phone (already a sign for him to stay away from you). 2) As I mentioned earlier, the tips in this book conform to a mold, given that the man you are trying this on is the same type of men they are talking about in the book. I would actually estimate about 30-50% of men in the world do not actually conform to that mold. Which means that this will not work with everyone. This also means that if you really like someone, think before you do the methods mentioned in the book because it may be qualities that make them turned off you! 3) The tricks and tactics in this book are only "tricks" in my opinion. They psychologically "trick" the man into liking you. In this way, I do not think that it's a very truthful approach to dating, nor is it a sustainable method in a long term relationship. Since this book aims to get you a good man to marry, it seems only good up to that point. Unfortunately after you are with someone for a really long time, no matter what "tricks" you did to get him in the beginning, after 10-20 years of marriage, it won't really have that much affect on him anymore. Sure, he'll be completely into you for the first couple of years of marriage but eventually it's going to fade and you're going to have to depend on your own self and personality to keep him interested. - - - - - - I would recommend this book for a fun read, but I wouldn't take it too seriously. I wouldn't follow the rules word for word, they are more like guidelines rather. After reading this book, I actually found a couple of other books that I feel are more helpful in giving insight to the man's mind as well as how a female can cope with that in their own ways: -He's Just Not that Into you -- by Greg Berendt. Yes this book may sound frivolous but it is also a fun read, and rather than tell you what to do, it gives you signs that he's not that into you (which is always helpful) -The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to get More out of your relationship by doing less -- by Scott Haltzman MD and Theresa Foy DiGeronimo. This book was it for me. For some reason, all of my relationship problems were mentioned in this book, and it really gave me deep insight on how a man's mind works and how to approach it and make your relationship better. I think that this book was more helpful than the "Rules" book. Even though this book is about marriage, you can read it and it would still apply to any relationship. -Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love: Solving the Mystery of Attraction -- by Barbara Pease and Allan Pease. This book is a more scientific approach on the female/male mind. Understanding the effects of the chemicals in our brain is really helpful to understanding the differences between the male/female mind. Plus, there are a lot of interesting facts/statistics in here that are really helpful to know. With any amount of deduction, you will be able to understand the underlying messages and will know how to approach dating situations.

I was given this book by my aunt, shortly afer her (first) marriage (at the tender age of 45). She announced with some satisfaction that she no longer needed the book, and handed it over. While I was at first insulted, I proceeded to read it in order to have an informed opinion. [The book had been recently released, gotten quite a bit of attention, and seemed to cause innumerable queries for my opinion from people I knew, and I guess I've always been the sort to offer no opinion if not an informed one.] Lo and behold, this book changed my life! At the time I was a 30-yr-old workaholic, raised on a steady diet of feminist I-can-do-anything-a-man-can-do pabulum, and starting to worry that I had somehow bought myself a one-way ticket to spinsterhood (which was not, for me, a palatable destination). Not long after I read and digested this book, I met and started dating a wonderful young man. I deliberately tried to exercise what I had learned from the book; coincidence or not, I have been happily married to him for almost ten years, after an expeditious long-distance courtship. The message this book gave me was essentially to NOT allow myself to be "low-hanging fruit". I had always been attracted to assertive, go-getter types, so scaring off a wall-flower was not a concern of mine; rather, the idea that men naturally want to PURSUE made perfect sense to me. Thanks to this book, I learned to have the DISCIPLINE to hold back, to not throw myself (emotionally or physically) at a man, and to let him prove to me that he would bother to make the effort to court, rather than just "booty-call". [I will note that I MODIFIED a few of the rules; for instance, I DID return every phone call, simply b/c I was a busy professional, as was my then-future-husband, so my goal was to behave like a professional respectful of his time and effort, but also NOT a pathetic, needy psycho-chick.] There is a line from the movie "Thelma and Louise" where Susan Sarandon says something about "getting what you settle for" . . . this book helped me to define in advance what I wanted (a decent boyfriend, a mutually respectful marriage), and to not settle for less.

Libro de cabecera que toda mujer debe tener tanto solteras como casadas, excelente guía y muy buenos consejos para un buen matrimonio

Interesting read

Take your sense of humour when you read it ;) definitely a book to read for women for example who are still giving too many chances to some (wrong) guys who just don't care. You can understand better men and, boost your self-confidence. 1st reading was strange, but with time and my experience I can see how much this book explain true psychology etc. I recommand 100% Even if it's the "old" version it's still the same global meaning....

Where do I begin? This book is everything you need to know about how to build a happy relationship and a good life for yourself. Save yourself time and money getting other books. I've read multiple relationship books written my psychotherapists with decades of experience and people with PhDs in relationship issues. All of them are fairly good. All of them are also extremely vague. In addition to reading books I took time to listen to many famous relationship coaches on youtube. They all give advice not to be too available, be elusive, be your own person, respect yourself, project high value, etc. That advice is good, but what exactly do you do to position yourself as a woman who knows her worth? How do you go about a guy you like? Do you approach him? What do you talk about on the first date? How long and how often do you talk to him in between the dates? The Rules gives you step-by-step instructions on how to get a good guy. They tell you exactly how to become high value woman without any lies. They give great tips on how to take matters into your own hands and create a meaningful life for yourself. This book was recommended to me by a woman who was very happy in her marriage, and she said she's got him because of the advice in this book. Seriously, ladies, this book will put an end to your heartaches caused by men. The Rules is a gem! I so wish I've read it 15 years ago! The read if fun and very easy. It's a must have!

dont be fooled by the title, they are not really rules they are standards which every women should live her life by. i brought this book in 2009 and it helped me manifest a wonderful realtionship all because i played by these " rules" sadly the realtionship ended due to circumstances (and me giving up the rules) but im buying it again cause i'm living proof it works, well done to the authors for sharing their knowlegde. also this book teaches us girls not to be so desperate and settle and to move on quickly, cause we are special little creatures